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The Shameful Stain of Racism

Racism is a shameful stain on our nation's past and present, and more importantly, a shameful stain on the Church of Jesus Christ. We must recognize it, fully own it, and repent of it. Ephesians 2:11-22 is clear - ALL people stand equally condemned, needing a Savior - but praise God!! Under the cross of Jesus, with his life-blood pouring over us, we are all equally forgiven and given new life. All the walls of hostility that kept us divided and separate are wiped away with our guilt by His blood.

 

In Christ, we are now one new entity - not black, white, brown, short, tall, man, woman, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Tea Party, Catholic, Protestant - we are now part of a brand new entity that never existed before: His Body, the Church. The dividing wall has been removed and Jesus is our peace; He restored us to each other by putting us IN Himself - and now, we are part of the same household, fellow citizens of the same Kingdom.

 

All that's left to do is to confess and repent of the uncomfortable truth - that racism lurks in every heart - that sometimes I act like the dividing wall of hostility is still firmly in place. Please forgive me, Lord, of the sin hidden deep in my heart - especially the evil that lies in wait ready to ambush me in places I'm not even aware of. May I daily - moment by moment - live out the truth that I and my brothers and sisters in Christ are being built into a purified, cleansed, holy dwelling place fit for you, our King... our Peace.

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Our Beloved Gift of God

On July 18, 1985, I gave birth to our beloved gift of God, Matthew David Warren. Holding him in my arms that morning, I had no idea how dark the journey would get for him - and for those who love him. All I knew that bright morning was that I was madly in love with him, and could see nothing ahead but a mother's dreams of a good life for her son.

 

 My pregnancy had been extremely difficult and included three months of TOTAL bed rest (not even able to get up to use the bathroom) due to a severe allergic reaction that temporarily crippled me and caused tremendous physical pain and discomfort. The doctors reassured me that I and the baby would be fine - but how could I be sure? What if the baby wasn't alright? What if I wasn't alright?

 

I remember Easter 1985 - I was sick in bed, unable to go to church. Rick took the kids to church and I stayed by myself for a few hours - the TV remote by my side as my only companion. Somehow I dropped the remote and couldn't retrieve it - so there I was, alone on one of the most joyous holidays, with not even a TV preacher to keep me company, full of anxiety and fear for myself and my unborn child.

 

I painfully reached for my Bible and it fell open to Habakkuk 3:17-19: "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails, and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to go on the heights." 

 

This was a word from the Lord to me - and I determined that even IF my worst nightmares came true - if my baby died, or I never walked again - that I would trust in God my Savior; I would rejoice in the Sovereign Lord.

 

Matthew David Warren was born and everything seemed fine. But by his first birthday, we began to wonder. And by his second and third birthdays, we knew he wasn't like his older sister and brother. As time unfolded, so did his struggles and I couldn't help but feel that my challenging pregnancy had negatively affected his developing brain and nervous system.

 

When he took his life last year - after battling and fighting so hard for decades - a friend sent me Habakkuk 3:17-19 in a sympathy card. She had no idea this passage was incredibly significant to me, but it was a fitting "bookend" to his life. Because I had feared for years that he would take his life... it became his greatest pursuit and my deepest anguish... I had to come to the point in which I said as I had 27 years before - "EVEN IF my worst nightmare comes true and he takes his life, I WILL rejoice in the Lord; I will be joyful in God my Savior."

 

So today - his 29th birthday - through weeping - I shout it to the watching universe: "I will rejoice in Lord; I will be joyful in God my Savior." My heart remains wounded and battered, but my faith is steady. There is, and will be, as Steven Curtis Chapman says, a "glorious unfolding" of all that God has in store for me and my family. God is faithful to His promises of rebuilding and restoring the ruins - and I am confident that I will yet be a witness to many, many, many lives healed and hope restored - all because of my beloved gift of God, Matthew David Warren. I miss you, darling boy... but it will just be for a little while.

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