Speaking at Saddleback

Rick and I have decided that both of us will speak this weekend at Saddleback. He has been scheduled to speak for a few weeks, but we realize that it is OUR story - our family's journey. Please pray for both of us - and for Amy and her family, and Josh and his family as they attend a service.

I have had difficulty making it through a regular worship service because of unexpected waves of emotion that crash over me, so to think of speaking at this moment in our grief journey seems ludicrous - yet I am at peace, believing God will fill us with His comforting, energizing, strengthening Holy Spirit. I told someone the other day that I am strong but fragile - so please understand that I don't have the ability to be in a large crowd yet - so know that from the bottom of my heart, I love our church - and our church loves us - and there is no group of people on the face of the earth I would rather be with than you this weekend. We are better together. Keep trusting in the Red Sea God; keep trusting in Jesus, the Lover of your wounded soul, and keep rejoicing through the Holy Spirit.

If You Feel Worn...

Today is the three month anniversary of Matthew's death - the day he realized he couldn't fight the depression for one more moment. As much as our hearts are full of sadness and sorrow today, I'm also thinking of thousands of others - some of you - who are barely hanging on to this existence, wondering if you should just quit trying because you are WORN OUT from the struggle. I'm listening to the most tender, amazing, and poignant YouTube video by Tenth Avenue North called "Worn."

The first time I watched it I cried hard - and I missed the hope - but if you watch carefully, you'll see HOPE literally blooming amidst the pain. This is for all of you dear brothers and sisters who quietly carry debilitating depression on your shoulders; those for whom "darkness is your only companion" (Psalm 88:18). God hears your cries for relief - He knows you are worn out - and perhaps one of the ways He wants to comfort you is through this post - to let you know you are not alone... to remind you that there are thousands of Christ followers who want to be (and are willing to be) arms of love around you... to walk with you in the darkness without offering trite, stale, meaningless words. God is with you - we are with you - and together we can face the shadows and walk in the light again.

Hold on, dearest ones.