“I can’t even begin to tell you how much Easter means to me now,” says Kay who lost her son, Matthew, during that joyous season. "Last year, the second anniversary of Matthew’s death actually fell on Easter Sunday. When I first saw that on the calendar I was really mad,” recalls Kay. “I thought, Really God? Couldn’t it have been 15 years from now, when some of the painful intensity would have subsided? It just felt cruel that I had to go to church and pretend to all those people that I was rejoicing when I didn’t feel like celebrating,” she admits. “I wanted to be by myself with my family in my home, quietly grieving and remembering. And not singing all those fake hallelujah songs.”
But Kay soon came to peace with the approaching anniversary. “It became the most comforting gift that God could have given me," she says."What better comfort could He give me in my loss than to remind me on that day that it’s also the day in which your loss will eventually become untrue?”
This Easter, Kay will again renew that rich sense of hope. “I’ll stand over my son’s grave and say 1 Corinthians 15:43: ‘Your body was buried in brokenness, but it will be raised in glory. It was buried in weakness, but it will be raised in strength.’ Because it was true for Jesus, I believe it’s going to be true for Matthew, and it will be true for me,” says Kay passionately. “Easter is it! Because Jesus rose from the dead, our pain, our loss, has meaning, and we have a hope that we can base our entire lives on. Keeping this pure hope and leaning on God are the only ways to find joy… and survive all the things that feel unsurvivable.”
Read more of Kay's remarkable journey and daily prayer habits in the March issue of Simple Grace, available now.